The Worst Rumour Ever

In what is undoubtedly the most ludicrous "story" to surface from the Internet since it was invented, it would seem that Arsenal have now entered the "race" to sign Berbatov.

Tinpot website European Football News are the only people so far to run with this story, and the genius (pictured) that came up with it has proudly declared that The Scum have actually moved ahead of Man U and Liverpool and are even favourites to "land him".

I don't know why I am even encouraging this kind of thing, but the moron that made this up reckons that Wenger has a £25million offer plus Gilberto Silva and Emmanuel Adebayor on the table.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Is this not about the most laughable thing you have ever heard??? Sure the Arse might have a few quid floating around since they bit Barca's arm off when it made the mistake of waving £16m at them, but there is so much wrong with this guess that it is bordering on being an insult to the intelligence.

1. What "race" - everyone from the club, to the player, to his agent have said he is staying at Spurs


2. What do Spurs want with 2 average Arsenal players - neither of whom fill problem positions


3. Daniel Levy values his bollocks too much to even contemplate selling our best player to our arch rivals


4. Berbatov as a person I believe would know what a slap in the face a move like this would be to Spurs fans

Understand this: I am not for one second suggesting we take this drivel seriously, but my point is that it seems as though these days, even the made up stories aren't done with any hint of intelligence. It just takes a second to step back, read what you have written and realise it is toss.

Now, if the "journalist" in question had had the common sense to suggest it was Defoe taking the short trip across north London, it might have had some legs...

A Word About Silly Season

Yes yes, by now we all know what to expect from the press between the months of May and September, but for some reason many of us continue to get very emotional about all the tittle-tattle that continuously fills the back pages - and more specifically zooms round the interweb.

So this is a call for peace. Some of the vitriol I read is nothing short of disturbing. Sure, THBN might publish an article that says someone has had a medical, of course Harry Hotspur might claim that Bent is a done deal, but experience shows us that those who claim "inside knowledge" often end up with egg on their face - but the point is that they don't care.

My mind is drawn to one Harry Harris of the Express. This genius spends months publishing all kinds of "facts" about what will happen in football's future, and then bangs on relentlessly when he finally gets one right - even including those most sacred of newspaper graphics, the cut out of an old headline that proves "you heard it here first".

Well I have news for you Harry, if you throw enough shit, some of it is bound to stick.

So my advice is to just chill out; enjoy the ride. Dream about David Villa snubbing Liverpool and Chelsea for Spurs, drool over the possible partnership of Berba and Torres and by all means get excited about having someone of Luis Figo's undoubted class being happy to take a pay cut just so he can be useful in our UEFA Cup run.

Just don't get angry about it, life's too short.

As for your chums here at SpursClub, rest assured that we will never completely make up a transfer story just to get a shed load of hits from NewsNow, we simply have more integrity than that.

However, there's this friend of my brother-in-law who met the groundskeepers son in a pub in Chigwell recently, and he swears that he overheard a conversation on the tube between 2 estate agents and that one of them had been showing Ronaldinho round a house in Enfield.

Expect a statement from the club in the next 2 weeks, and remember, you heard it here first...

McLarens Last Chance!

Estonia vs. England
06-06-2007
K.O. 19:30 BST
I can't see there being much chance of England losing this crucial qualifier, the squad are well aware of the consequences and will no doubt be highly motivated.

However, Estonia do have a reputation for being a difficult side to break down, and seeing as how England are currently struggling for creativity, I do not predict a goal-fest. Mart Poom is also a decent keeper and may well be a hero tonight, my score prediction is a miserly 1-0 to England (at 5/1). My natural instinct says 3-0, but as England consistently let me down when I expect a rout, I have chosen to be more sensible today - and at 11/2 I think 3-0 is a bad bet.

Estonia have yet to score a goal in qualifying, and I predict they will not get off the mark tonight, but if you fancy a long shot then any score that has England winning and Estonia scoring will be generous odds. England to win 2-1 looks good at 9/1.

The English midfield retains it's familiar look, and with Owen and Crouch upfront the chances are that Becks will have a decent game. Estonia may defend deep and some mistimed tackles around the edge of the box give Beckham a good chance of being first to score, and at 15/2 it looks reasonable. My prediction though is Joe Cole. Bridge will play and I think his tendency to bomb forward will give Cole more opportunity to come inside and make a few dangerous runs into the box.

For a Spurs based angle, King is an interesting 25/1 to score first, but has he done enough to retain his place? Anyway, this looks a better shot that Jenas at 14's and Defoe at 5's - neither of whom I expect to get a kick (especially not at 0-0).

Scorecast: England win 1-0, Cole scores first - 50/1
Spurs Bet: King to score first 25/1

Jol: Spurs Not Selling

Chelsea seem set to switch their attentions to Seville's Daniel Alves after Spurs manager Martin Jol knocked back a £10m bid for Pascal Chimbonda.

"I don't see any reason why we should. We made a lot of profit over the last six months and we don't have to sell." said Jol when quizzed.

Chairman Daniel Levy has come out to back his manager by saying, "We're building for the future - we're not a selling club. If, as we do, you have players on long contracts and the finances of the club are strong, you have no need to sell. I'm happy for anyone to judge this club by who we sell and who we don't."

"Our ability to attract and retain top class players is key to our ambition to compete at the highest level - regularly in Europe and with our sights set on Champions League qualification."

Tottenham have spurned the opportunity to make a quick £5m profit on the full-back bought from Wigan just last summer, forcing Chelsea to look elsewhere. A source close to the FA Cup winners said "Jose is definitely in the market for a right-back, and Alves fits the bill. He has been outstanding for Seville this season."

OK, so those quotes are a little old, but the sentiment sticks. Quite why they would even contemplate it is something of a mystery as Chimbonda has been one of the most consistent performers during a very long season.

Yes, I completely made up the bit about Alves, but you believed me didn't you?

Sports journalism is easy.

Spurs Furious With Charlton Joke

Tottenham Hotspur - the big bad transfer bullies - have apparently made the Charlton board really very, very angry by offering £8m for want-away hotshot Darren Bent. The Daily Mail even go so far as to say that due to this outrage, negotiations are "in danger of breaking down".

Now just hold on a cotton-picking second here. Surely if this story is true it should be Spurs who should be up in arms with Charlton for expecting £15m for a relegated player who is far from an established international and who only managed 13 Premiership goals last season.

The usual suspects of West Ham, Newcastle and Liverpool are all Charlton have if they are trying to stimulate an auction. Liverpool will undoubtedly be looking for someone with a bit more class than Bent, and the player himself is unlikely to fancy another relegation scrap at the Spammers and so that only leaves us and the Barcodes - I'm sorry Charlton, but this looks like a buyers market.

Throw into this that Bent himself has suggested that he wants to go to Spurs, and has confirmed that he will definitely be anywhere other than Charlton next year and all of a sudden £8m is looking like a very reasonable offer.

As much as I would love to see Bent at the club next year, if we pay more than £10m for him we will have been done.

Figo is "Spurs through and through"

Luis Figo is the latest name to be linked with a move to White Hart Lane. In a story that is hugely reminiscent of the Rivaldo fiasco, or even the Davids transfer saga, Figo (or at least someone he met in an Italian restaurant) has come out and reliably informed us that:

"Luis has always had a soft spot for Spurs and would love to live in London. He has seen other stars go to the capital and settle with their families."

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but there are a couple of elements to this quote that don't sit right with me. This comment seems to be more about the Portuguese legend moving to London than it does about wanting to play for Spurs.

The way I see it, Figo wants to move to London, knows Chelsea and Arsenal won't touch him, and so figures that Spurs are his best option. If he had such a "soft spot" for us, why didn't he come here a couple of years ago when he left Madrid?

Having said all that, I don't think it would be such a bad thing so long as he slots into the wage structure, and doesn't whinge about needing first team football every week. He can play on the left or the right and pace has never really been a part of his game so even at 34 I think he would have something to offer us for next season. Plenty of European experience being just one of them.

Available on a free - snap him up!