Berbatov: I'm Going NOWHERE

So I just wanted to throw that headline into your NewsNow list just to counter some of the drivel that I have seen today. Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it only a week or so ago that he was banging on about how he doesn't want to leave Spurs, how he loves the fans, blah blah blah. I was under the impression that every time he, his agent or the club itself is asked, the response it that Berbatov is not for sale.

And yet there seems to be no rest for the wicked as the press will not rest until this deal has been done.

Will we have to endure weeks of "Berbs to Man U" talk before every transfer window between now and the end of his contract? I am the staunchest of media bullshit detectors, but even I am starting to doubt that Berbatov will have a long and distinguished career at Tottenham.

What I can be quite sure of though is that he's going nowhere in January. Manchester United have an annoying habit of getting what they want (remember Carrick?), but their offers are becoming more and more ridiculous if these "reports" are anything other than a practical joke hatched at the Mirror's Christmas party.

Last summer there was talk of upwards of £30m for the talented frontman, now his value seems to have diminished to one injury prone bench warmer, a defender who is available for nothing 5 months from now and £6m.

Are they having a laugh??? If the Spurs board do anything other than wipe their arses with that fax it will be a travesty. The only deal that would remote appease the angry mob would be a swap deal for Nani, but Fergie is hardly in the habit of letting his talented players leave for the opposition is he, and it would take several teams of wild horses to drag the player himself out of Old Trafford, so you can forget all about that one.

Equally can you see Ramos letting his most creative player waltz out of the front door without kicking up a stink? Particularly when we are still in 3 cup competitions and still need to climb the table - not a chance!

But the bandwagon rolls on unabated, and the lazy hacks jump on board as if even they genuinely believe it. What starts as an internet joke gathers speed and ends up on the back pages and eventually the TV reports and the player starts to wonder whether something is afoot.

Dimitar Berbatov is a sensitive soul and openly admitted to being unsettled by the last time this crock of shit made headlines, he is just getting back to something approaching his best and it looks like he's going to have to endure another 5 weeks of it.

Let's hope this time he's better prepared.

Spurs Fight Back

Alex Ferguson and his Manchester United have a long dark history of playing mind games with anyone they see as a threat - and make no mistake, it works. With the bigger clubs the comments are designed to provoke indiscipline in a forthcoming fixture, but with the non-Champions League outfits it's a case of keeping the peasants in their place. Nothing says "We're a big club and you are not" more than the ability - real or perceived - to cherry pick everybody else's best players.

Fergie's favourite is to run a long and sustained media campaign in which he, his press lackeys or his players drop hints that they will be signing a key player from one of their rivals. A look at most of United's recent big name signings - Carrick, Hargreaves, Tevez even as far back as Rooney and beyond shows us a pattern that can only be described as legal tapping up.

In the last couple of years Tottenham have been subjected to more of this than most. Clearly it is not in the interest of the incomprehensible Scot to have the Big Four turn into the Big Five and the stats suggest that we were/are on the brink. Months of speculation preceded the departure of Carrick, a move that cynics might argue was designed to rip the heart out of a team that Jol had built around the talented Geordie and was only a dodgy Lasagna away from breaking the Champions League monopoly.

Every time Defoe scores a few goals we are led to believe that he will be packing his bags for Manchester during the next window and of course, for the last 6 months every news feed in the land has been convinced that our back-in-favour Bulgarian, Mr. Berbatov, is breaking his neck to become a Red Devil.

Historically Tottenham have refused to comment and, possibly due to an incompetent PR department, have come out of these tussles looking like the small club who can't keep hold of their players. But wait - could it be that with the new regime has come a refusal to simply lay back and think of England?

There's not a hell of a lot of club news floating around at the moment, so it would seem as though the press have decided to make a big deal out of Michael Carrick's public admiration of Berbatov. This "story" has been running for days, despite the player himself publicly stating he's going nowhere. Relentlessly the headlines continue, but then, like a bolt from the blue, what do I see?

The Mail, the Telegraph and various dodgy websites all suggest that... "Spurs to bid £18m for Carrick" - WHAT???

Any right minded individual must surely see what utter nonsense this is, but if we ignore for a moment the possibility of this containing even a shred of truth and refuse to treat it as a factual report, then there can only be one other explanation: Someone at Tottenham Hotspur FC has finally woken up and decided to come out swinging. It's pure genius - our ex-player comes out and starts the Berba to Man U fire again and wallop - we say fuck you, we're going to buy you back!

"They put one of ours in the hospital, we put two of theirs in the morgue" as Sean Connery famously said in one of his classics.

Whilst there is no way that we will ever see Carrick in lily white again, whoever it is at White Hart Lane that is playing the media this time needs a god damned pat on the back. With an attitude like this perhaps Fergie will pick on someone else and our players will themselves become... Untouchables.

Berbatov: A Friend In Need

Dimitar Berbatov is something of an enigma at White Hart Lane at the moment. After a blistering first season at Spurs, the he has been thrust, unwillingly, into the spotlight of Britain's carnivorous football media. This would be difficult for anyone, but it strikes me that the Bulgarian genuinely did not expect the kind of press coverage that he has attracted, and I think he is struggling to cope with it. Constant stories of his imminent departure, plus the shenanigans of the past few weeks have undoubtedly taken their toll on the player, and now alarmingly it seems as though the strains of discontent are filtering through into the voices and posts of a few fans.

Well it's time to nip that in the bud and get behind the man who only a matter of months ago was accorded God-like status at The Lane. Obviously in this country anyone who plays well for a team other than Man U are going to be linked to a move there. Fergie won't complain, as unsettling the opposition is a great way to keep the peasants in their place. But if we are not careful then we may find that the yid on the street ends up believing some of this guff. This is a danger, and feelings of discontent can snowball quicker that you can say "I love Martin Jol". Before long the unthinkable may occur - Berba a target for the boo boys? Perish the thought.

Let us set the record straight on a few matters:

• Berba as a person has a miserable demeanour. He just has a face like a slapped arse regardless of how "happy" he is - don't read anything into it.


• Berba as a player is a moaner. We have all played with them, pass to someone else, or fail to have eyes in the back of your head and cue the toys leaving the pram.


• Berba is in a contract until 2011 - and he only recently signed it.


• Berba is not the messiah, he is a very talented footballer.

Not content with their hatchet job on Martin Jol, the UK press look worryingly like they are now targeting our most skillful player for their next round of Spurs-baiting. It is crucial that the club, and more importantly us the fans do not allow them to succeed in driving out the best player to have graced the shirt in many a year.

The player himself has come out and delivered a tirade against all the lies that have been written about him and what his family are alleged to have said. We cannot ask for more than that. For our part we have to trust him and get behind him. We have to stop all this "better off without him" shite and ask ourselves in what possible situation are we better off without our best player.

In interviews he comes across as a modest man, quick to praise the team. His history has shown him to be a man of his word and a loyal employee. True he may be a bit down at the moment, team not doing well, massive upheaval at the club, form not great - but remember the cliche; class is permanent.

Dimitar Berbatov has the ability to drive us to where we want to go, but like all geniuses he may have a dark side. I don't care how Tottenham do it, but making this man happy is critical to salvaging anything of note from this anniversary season. Here's hoping the road to recovery starts this afternoon with a hatful in Israel...

Spurs: Viva La Revolución

After an extremely bloody coup within the walls of White Hart Lane this week I am left feeling like a veritable cauldron of bubbling excitement. My natural optimism has even allowed me to gloss over another late collapse on Sunday, safe in the knowledge that it will be the last time this season we concede in injury time! I feel like the clouds have parted, the sun has come out and filled me with the belief that our season will not only be saved but that the Spurs cleaning team should immediately order a large vat of silver polish - I think we're gonna need it - huzzah!!!

Jol has gone and regular readers will know how happy that makes me! I won't bore you with the classic "nothing against him personally" and other Jol bashing caveats - the fact is we swapped an average to decent coach with no track record to speak of, for one of the hottest managers in world football right now. Simply put Ramos is better than Jol, and although the board royally screwed the latter, they must be commended for acquiring the services of the former.

Some people would have you believe that getting a new manager means another 2 years of "transition" - but why should it? We still have enough outstanding players at the club for the Spaniard to craft something exciting out of, we still have 3 cup competitions to battle for, not to mention the fact that 2 or 3 wins in the league will start to make the table look a whole lot rosier. It didn't take him too long to work his magic at Seville now did it? Before December breaks we have Blackpool in the League cup, Tel Aviv and Aalborg in the UEFA and Boro, Wigan and West Ham in the Prem - if Ramos is looking to make an immediate impact then he could not picked a better set of fixtures to start with!

The new man is already stamping his mark on the team with a double session on his first day. It appears that he shares Hoassam Ghaly's bewilderment at the lack of running done in training and, like the genius he may well be, has figured that lack of running + late goals conceded = poor fitness. Now if he could only give Kaboul a slap every time he crosses the halfway line we might start holding a lead to the final whistle...

I personally can't wait to see his take on our midfield. Will Malbranque get to play a more central role? Will Lennon be coached into finding an end product? Will we see Jenas regularly bursting through into attacking positions (for that is when he is at his best), or will Routledge finally get a chance to show us why we bothered upsetting Palace all those seasons ago?

Now Jol has gone Spurs will soon cease to be the plaything of the lazy Journo - but they're not quite done yet. Some have predictably predicted that Senor Ramos will be on the first plane back to Spain come January in order to convince half the Seville team to back their bags and move to London. What utter twaddle!!

At 30 years of age does Kanoute really fit the Tottenham buying policy - oh yes, and it would seem as though we already have 4 quality strikers. Will the Tottenham board really sanction £20m to buy Alves when we already have a more than capable right back in the form of Chimbonda and there are glaring holes elsewhere in the team? Granted Seville keeper Andres Palop could be a target, but correct me if I'm wrong - I thought that the power brokers at Seville were a tad upset with us right now, can you see them allowing their top players to leave straight after reluctantly losing their manager? I don't think so somehow, particularly if they are still in the Champions League.

If he really does have £40m to spend then he should do us all a favour and go and spend half on a left winger and the other half on a defensive midfielder. I rather suspect that this is exactly what he is going to do - well, at least I hope it is. It is true that world class players are rarely traded in January, so manage your expectations and wait for next summer.

Tottenham have at last ended a saga that went on far too long and, thank the heavens, have pulled a rabbit from the hat. Yes I would have been just as happy to see us take a punt on Klinnsman, but I am even happier that we avoided the likes of Redknapp, McClaren or other uninspiring dross like Hughes (or even Megson!). In what has been a genuine upgrade we have potentially recruited the best manager in our recent history and I am even feeling bouyant enough to predict 6 wins in a row!

Soon I may even start to remain confident when the clock turns 70 minutes, but I'm not rushing into that one...

Will Tottenham Ever Play Like Arsenal?

You are probably going to hate this article, but then the truth hurts. It hurts extra bad when every Monday morning - or in this weeks case Tuesday - you have to go into work and shoulder the humiliation of another pathetic Spurs performance. It hurts extra extra bad when every Monday morning - or in this case Monday and Wednesday - you have to go into work and face your gooner mates after yet another sublime performance from Wengers "kids".

Hate the Scum as I do, there comes a time in a man's life when, like the England Rugby team and Lewis Hamilton, you have to be magnanimous in defeat. As I watched them 7-0 up and showboating in the Champions League I realised that time had come. But before I over do it, let me pull this article back from the brink and evaluate for a moment a few of the glaring differences between woeful Spurs and an Arsenal team that on current form are quite possibly the best team in the world right now.

First and foremost I genuinely do not believe that player for player the 11 that turn out for Arsenal are significantly better footballers that Tottenham's first XI. Madness you may think - but I am convinced that the secret behind Arsenal's success is not down to them having accumulated a collection of future world footballers of the year, but is firmly rooted in their tactics, their discipline, their training and their vision.

The single greatest difference between Tottenham and Arsenal right now is the coaching. Tottenham often pump the ball long straight into the opposition, almost as if without looking and definitely without thinking. Arsenal players have been coached not only to run into areas where they have an abundance of space, but more importantly to seek out these players with an accurate pass when on the ball.

Tottenham are guilty all to often of passing themselves into a dead end - or even more frustrating, to point blank ignore any man in white brave enough to have dashed off into 15 or 20 yards of space. They insist on forcing the ball down crowded channels rather than spreading the play to less congested areas. Where are our raking, play switching, cross field passes that the top teams always seem to find when things get too tight? Where are our lightning fast counter attacks that see us 3 against 2? When are Spurs going to string together more that 5 or 6 passes in the opposition half before being crowded out of possession?

Make no bones about it, our players are good enough to do it. The problem is that they have nobody showing them how. I don't pretend that they are going to win us the title, but with a substantial and sustained improvement in coaching I do believe we have a squad that can challenge the top 4 and win the odd bit of silverware - and that will do for now.

Wenger has been brainwashing his current crop with his brand of total football for long before their moment of maturity against Slavia Prague last night. "Give Jol more time!" cry his backers, but do you honestly believe that if Jol were to get another 10 years in charge that we'd ever see performances like that? Not in a fricking eternity...

Of course Jol is not helping himself with his dubious team selections - 4 central midfielders on the pitch and Berbs and Lennon on the bench against the Barcodes (he was saving them for Blackpool perhaps?) but there is a growing feeling that the problem is rooted more in diabolical coaching than questionable team selection. Two recent remarks - one from Ghaly about the lack of running during training sessions, and another from Jol suggesting that they practice corners twice a week - only add weight to this theory. Twice a week!!!! Is it any wonder that we gifted them free headers at our near post at least 4 times on Monday. These are not new shortcomings, the writing has been on the wall for over a year now and Jol has flattered to deceive due to the occasional masterclass from the likes of our mardy Bulgarian.

The solution is simple. Jol and Houghton must go, and take with them Hans Segars who has single handedly coached the best keeper in the country into a fumbling wreck in the space of 2 years, the defensive coach is who is responsible for turning 2 established internationals and two regular U21 starlets into a defensive shambles rather than a defensive unit, the midfield coach who has left us with a system that neither links with our forwards or supports our defence, and every other member of the backroom staff who is incapable of understanding the concepts of modern top flight football.

Tottenham have turned more corners and had more transitional periods in the last 10 years than I care to think about and I don't want another one any more than you do, but that's no reason to stick with the wrong man. Martin Jol has delivered us 2 years of European football, and for that we should be grateful, but let's not forget the unprecedented amount of money that has been spent on the squad to achieve it.

The hallmark of Jol's reign has been luck - both good and bad. He was lucky Santini buggered off, he was unlucky not to get us into the Champions League, he was lucky to get us into a qualification spot last year and he has been both lucky and unlucky with last minute goals. What we need is consistency, not luck and for me that means that after weeks, nay months, of swinging one way and the other, my Jolometer has finally come to rest firmly in the OUT position.

I suggest a one way train ticket to Bolton would be best for everyone...

The Yid Army Delivers.

At 4-1 down at home against the Villa who was staring at a TV mumbling profanities and thinking "same old Tottenham"? Yes, I admit it - I was. The Jolometer had firmly swung into the Jol Out zone based entirely on the fact that he had picked Tainio, and the things I was saying about Robinson don't bear repeating. The poor bloke who Setanta alleged had seen enough and was shown leaving on 59 minutes must feel a right twat today - unless of course he only popped out for a piss that is, we never did find that out.

However, when Chimbonda fired home from Defoe's superb rebound the mood of the fans went from one extreme to the other. I don't know about you but I felt a real surge of optimism. I could sense it in all the other Spurs fans in my local boozer and I could hear it coming direct from The Lane every time we got the ball. It's a shameless cliche, but last night I truly believe that the 12th man was the direct cause of us rescuing a point.

At 4-2 and then again at 4-3 the volume and the encouragement seemed to be immense. That urgency clearly rubbed off on and inspired the players - and perhaps even the manager who at last made two substitutions that even at the time I could not find fault with.

And so finally Tottenham Hotspur, usually the recipient of the cruel last minute goal, actually became the inflicter of that special kind of misery and Kaboul - a young man on the road to legendary status - celebrated like we'd just won the Champions League. Along with the rest of us I strongly suspect.

Of course a few cracks have been painted over. Both Zokora and Lennon are sadly lacking in that essential commodity that Gareth Bale seems to have in abundance - "end product". Robbo sucks diesel, Jol's initial team selection proved woeful and our defensive coaches still seem to be practicing corners only twice a week.

But hey - let's stop all the whinging and the disunity for a moment and enjoy what was an absolutely cracking game of footie. Let's savour the drama, congratulate the 30,000 people that made the difference, and remind ourselves that it's nights like that when we're glad we don't support Chelsea.

Spurs vs The Press - Who Can We Believe?

Whatever your feelings about Martin Jol and his ability to win something with Tottenham, you have to concede that the last week in Spursland has been record breaking in terms of strange goings on. Spurs have become a media circus, with even events down the road at the Chavs not keeping us off the back page for more than a couple of days. If you ask me, the first person picking up their P45 should be that dozy bint who calls herself the head of PR - could she have done a worse job if she tried???

Constant media speculation of the sort that Jol is experiencing at the moment often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy (as countless England managers will tell you), but what confuses me is the conviction with which the papers report what are in essence three completely conflicting stories. On Monday I read three papers and the Spurs news in each was different, the synopsis of which is roughly:

1. Jol has already agreed a payoff and is just waiting for Levy to find his new man


2. Jol is being sacked against his will


3. Jol is staying and has the full support of the board

Now, oddly enough you would think that the people who actually know would be the board and the manager - yet they are the only people who are championing position 3. In every interview and via several statements both Jol and Levy absolutely assure us that Jol is backed and is going nowhere, they could not be more resolute if they tried - so why won't anyone believe them?

The answer could be that old favourite the "club insider", or maybe even "a source close to". Seeing as how Jol is still there, I wonder how that source could have been so wrong for so long and yet still be trusted by the journalists. Call me cynical but if you were a director of a football club who was looking to hound out the manager by subversive tactics, a steady stream of leaked stories of EGM's and secret meetings with other managers would seem to be a rather effective way of making the present incumbents position untenable.

Let's take a look at some of the evidence presented so far:

Press says:
That the board had an emergency meeting the other day in which they agreed a £4m payoff package for Martin Jol
Club says:
That there absolutely was no such meeting and that they have never even discussed a payoff package

Press says:
That Martin Jol is acting as a caretaker until the board can secure the services of the replacement
Club says:
That Martin Jol has their continued backing

Press says:
That Levy called Mourinho 5 times, that both Capello and Houllier have been seen in London this weekend, that Spurs met with Ramos in August, that Ramos has now fallen out with those at Seville and that Comolli was in Spain this weekend at the Barca vs Seville game
Club says:
That they didn't meet Ramos in the summer and that Comolli was actually at the Southampton vs Burnley game so couldn't possibly have been in Spain

So who do we believe?

One thing is certain and that is that Levy cannot exactly come out and admit to any of the accusations levelled at him without undermining the club, and in particular Jol's relationship with the players, any more that he has already. The conflicting stories will continue and one day we'll get a new manager because unlike in politics where the people in charge are at least accountable to the voters, in football there is zero accountability at the very top.

If Levy is lying it's because he knows he can get away with it. He knows full well that even if he announces a new manager tomorrow that nobody is going to camp outside his door demanding to know why they have been spun to and treated like idiots, he knows that the turnstiles will still revolve 35,000 times every other week and that the press (and probably the fans) will have forgotten all about it within a fortnight.

Do the Fans Really Back Jol?

After Saturday's defeat the press are once again all over the fact that BMJ will be picking up his P45 - most suggest in about 6 weeks from now. Of course, in the real world this would seem bizarre as the board have gone to great lengths to assure everyone concerned that the big fella will have until at least the end of the season, but in the crazy world of football I don't know if we can be surprised about anything.

The constant media hounding is taking it's toll on supporters, even myself - a staunch Jolist, has started to become brainwashed and my views on Jol's tenure change daily - sometimes even hourly! However, the manager himself still believes in us, Martin Jol has come out and said that:

"I feel there are two worlds here in London. There are you guys (journalists) and then there are the supporters who read your papers. It's amazing, no? Although they read your papers, they're still backing me. That's a great feeling."

My question to you is this: When the chips are down with what army do you stand? No wishy-washy answers dependant of a variety of circumstances will be allowed here, it's a case of right now - either for or against?

Is Jol right, are we with him? Please vote in the poll in the top left of his page and by the end of the day perhaps we will find out...

Can Jol Develop?

So Tottenham recently conceded their second devastating last minute goal of the season, and who would bet that it will be their last? Contrary to beliefs held in some quarters, replacing Robbie Keane with Defoe was not the root cause - Defoe has enough ability to be dangerous and a straight swap should have caused no real problems. A flukey goal gave Fulham hope, but at that point can anyone really say that they were thinking "Oh Martin, what we need now is Dawson on for Malbranque". No, I didn't think so.

In a move that technically resulted in us having 6 defenders on the pitch, Spurs sat trying to hold on for 10 minutes and of course the inevitable happened. Jol is a strange fish in that he point blank refuses to learn his lessons. Any Spurs fan who has watched their team for more than a couple of years must know that we are incapable of shutting up shop. Any football fan knows that when a home side come back from 3-1 down to 3-2 that they and the crowd are going to be pumped and so playing at the edge of your own 18 yard box is asking for trouble. Jol and the board would have us believe we are in a position to challenge the top four, but who of them would have cacked their pants against the likes of Fulham and gone defensive.

In fact, why change things at all when the team out there was in complete control. Jol has to learn that substitutions should be saved for when we are losing, or in danger of losing. In my opinion the correct sub to make at 3-2 up would have been Taarabt for Malbranque. That way the defenders and midfielders have an outlet that would relieve the pressure much more effectively that a hoof up field. Simply slide the ball out to the wing wizard and let him run up field with it - we keep the ball for more that 30 seconds and Fulham lose their impetus.

Tottenham have proven that they can play some very good football under Jol, but there are three things he needs to reflect upon regarding his own ability:

1. He needs to think harder about his substitutions. Is Chris Houghton just a "yes man" because surely they must consult about these things? So many times they make changes that even the fans can see are ludicrous that it defies belief.

2. He must stop trying to please all of the strikers all of the time. I suspect that Jermaine Defoe would rather get 90 minutes once every 3 or 4 games than 15 minutes every week. When we are playing well it disrupts the flow, and if the two chosen front men are having a good game then there is no reason to change them.

3. Why Oh Why Oh Why do we pass the ball straight back to Robbo from the kick-off. All it ever results in is a hoof up field and the loss of possession within seconds. This MUST stop NOW. (Boy that one annoys me)

He could also do with coaching players to pass to the man in space rather than trying to thread the ball through the eye of a needle, or pumping an ambitious one over the top. Admittedly this isn't as bad as it used to be so it doesn't make my top 3. The main culprit these days is Jenas - and that is mainly because he's too damn slow when he gets the ball.

Although I may have edged into the Jol Out Zone on Saturday afternoon and Sunday I have since calmed down and without anyone top class available to replace him have realised that he is here to stay. To coin a phrase often applied to young upcoming players, has anyone stopped to consider that Jol is not quite "the finished article" when it comes to management?

Let's face it, he hardly has the 20 years experience of some top managers, or the glowing track record of Europe's elite - but he does have potential. However, if he (and Spurs) are to progress and develop, Martin Jol has to start to appraise and evaluate his own strengths and weaknesses and he himself has to do something about them.

For the sake of Tottenham Hotspur he has to start right now.

Weekly Round-Up and Fulham Preview

Well it’s been a slightly less eventful week in Spursland this week, something that Daniel Levy is probably happy about. Even the transfer news has died a little, with the exception of some silly bugger thinking that we were going to swap Defoe for SWP. Hopefully most of us who trawl the internet for Spurs news have developed radar that can detect the whiff of bullshit from 200 paces.

On the plus side, at least the will he/wont he saga of Curtis Davis has finally been resolved. I would love to have reported that Villa got ripped off after throwing £10m at WBA, but a season long loan “with a view” to a permanent move to the tune of £8.5m sounds like a very good bit of business. I suspect that the player himself didn’t fancy warming our bench all year, and so fair play to him.

The draw for the cup is in, and we are fixed to face the powerhouses of Cypriot soccer; Anorthosis Famagusta (the image is their badge by the way). That, my fellow fans, can only be described as a right result. Even more so for those of us who have yet to go on their holidays.

The Jenas debate rumbles on, and as I am in the pro-Jenas camp (barely) I should like to rally the boo-boys and point out to them that when a player publically declares his love of the club, and states that he wants to stay there for the rest of his career (which could be another 10 years) then in my books he has earned a little respect. We often moan about a lack of loyalty amongst players, but this week both Jenas and Defoe have shown it in abundance so let’s get behind them.

Now, as quickly as SpursClub giveth, SpursClub taketh away and it would be irresponsible of me not to point out that, in actual fact, he is a bit shit at the moment. Jenas is at his best when he is playing one-two’s and/or powering into the box ala Fat Frank, but too often I see him pick the ball up in the centre circle and give his trademark flap of the arms in mock protest that nobody is running for him. This results in either a hopeful yet doomed lob upfield, or a boring pass sideways or backwards. Perhaps being dropped from the England squad will liven him up a bit.

Compare that to the outstanding week that Kevin the Prince has had. One assist and an overhead kick that sailed into the onion bag gives him 2 assists and 2 goals in as many games. This is extremely promising, and although I think that Jol would rather eat his own hat before he dropped Jenas, KPB must surely be knocking on the door. I say give him a chance, but I think we all know it ain’t gonna happen.

And so onto Fulham, and do we dare even contemplate defeat? Losing 2 games in a row at the start of the season wasn’t the disaster it was billed as, but it heaps the pressure on now. Losing 4 out of 5, or if you include the Arsenal game coming up, potentially 5 out of 6 would make grabbing that 4th place a real uphill struggle.

However, on the positive side, Lennon, Dawson and Kaboul could all be back in the fray, and although Fulham have a genuine threat in Healy, I just can’t see us rolling over in such an important game. Keeper Neimi is a major doubt for them, Zat Knight has been sold and both Aaron Huges and Christenval are still missing so their defence could well be shaky. We have a poor record at the Cottage, but the lads have to treat this one like a cup final and I have no doubt that we will come away with three points for only the second time in Premiership history.

Anything less just does not bear thinking about.

Tottenham Hotspur: A Hatchet Job

Recent events at our club have left an air of negativity hanging over WHL that leave me feeling very uneasy and more than a bit disappointed. I can’t seem to shake the feeling and it’s getting to a point where I don’t want to pick up a paper or browse the net because everything I read is just so depressing.

The fact is that the media firmly has its teeth into Spurs, and like a rabid pitbull once they are locked on it takes something sensational to distract them. It’s difficult, but if you can wipe away the bullshit and ignore the disgraceful politicking then perhaps things aren’t as bad as they seem.

Let’s start with The Horrendous Treatment of Martin Jol. As you may recall reading here, Martin is not going anywhere, but that does not excuse the naïve actions of an experienced board who thought they could meet another manager in a public hotel and get away with it. They then went on to insult our intelligence by pretending that it was a coincidence, and since that didn’t wash they now claim that “they have never offered the job to anyone else”, well maybe so, but this smacks of a technicality. Let’s face it – if you’re caught in bed with another woman is it really going to matter to your wife whether you actually had sex or not?

Daniel Levy has subsequently given 2 statements on the club’s website that he thinks will put this all to sleep. The problem is that he continues to play us for fools by giving the type of non-committal answers that would make Tony Blair proud.

However, when the dust settles the stark facts are that nothing has changed. BMJ is still the manager, the board still expect results and maybe, just maybe these meetings actually did help to clear the air. Jol himself has acted with admirable dignity throughout, he has the support of the players and the majority of the fans and so perhaps now it is back to business as usual - I hope so because it's now becoming boring.

The press have not quite finished with Tottenham though. They would have us believe that this whole sordid affair has been the catalyst for a miniature meltdown within the club walls. That Jol and Commoli don’t see eye to eye even though they say time and time again that one won’t buy a player that the other has not signed off on. They suggest that mild mannered janitor Jermaine Defoe has taken the opportunity to throw his toys out of his pram, that Zokora is deemed not good enough despite having played 2 out of the 3 games so far this season and that the entire incident has unsettled the team.

Can anyone explain to me how a bit of managerial wrangling affects a person’s ability to kick a football to one of his teammates? Sure the players may be interested in the gossip, perhaps even concerned and in the case of Robbo, disappointed, but what relevance is that to a sportsman’s performance? If anything we may see a player backlash against United on Sunday as the team try desperately to deliver for their under-fire boss.

Next we have The Berbatov Affair. I just point blank refuse to believe that Jol would request the sale of one of his best players because he got arsey about being substituted. Man U have taken an interest, but then don’t their spin doctors always blow up a media storm for any team he sees as a threat – it’s been Fergie’s tactic for years. Of course in the case of Berba, we are led to believe that they have tabled a £22m bid. Although that may appeal to the more business minded on the board, Daniel Levy is a fan at heart and I cannot see him agreeing to sell – particularly after the week he’s just had!

The press seem desperate for Berbatov to join Man U, probably because they know how lucrative a transfer saga involving Man Utd can be. Just think about how many papers the Tevez deal must have sold. I am more inclined to believe that Berbs is not pissed off with Tottenham, is not “furious” about us not signing Petrov, is not holding a grudge about being substituted and is generally happy to be playing for Spurs. Do the snippets of his personality we have been treated to suggest he is a prima-donna to you?

Lastly we have Robbo’s Big Mistake. The BBC, and particularly John Motson, should be absolutely ashamed of themselves for the way they have carried on. During the England game Motty and serial wanker Lawro just would not stop talking about the first Germany goal and were slagging off Robbo as if he was a complete liability. The fact is that this was their dream scenario – the more observant of you may have noted that Motty had the daggers out while the teams were in the tunnel as he banged on about the “question marks over Robinson’s place as England number one”. So it must have been a dream come true when he let one in after a blunder.

But hang on, what blunder? Surely Robbo was well positioned to collect the cross that he was within his rights to expect. Surely he actually made a fantastic save to tip the miss-kick onto the bar. Surely he cannot be blamed for the inability of the England defence to either react to the rebound, or in the first case to clear the ball properly. And where was the focus on how Lehman let Lampard smash one through a 15” gap at his near post?

So in conclusion I would suggest that, just like West Ham were when they were trying not to get relegated, or Arsenal were when Henry left, or Chelsea were when Mourinho was not winning the title; Tottenham are not in crisis, but are simply the plaything of bored, conniving and possibly pissed journalists at the moment.

What we need is for something new to happen – and I'll tell you this, if Spurs come away from Manchester with three points tomorrow then I can guarantee we will be off the back pages next week and the feeding frenzy will head Old Trafford's way…

Martin Jol: Too Soon for Exit Talk?

I think we can all agree that Martin Jol is having a torrid start to the season. Three points out of nine, with Man U, Fulham and Arsenal to come it is not beyond the realms of possibility to see us on 6 points after 6, I don’t even want to consider less than that!

The press love a good bit of shit stirring, and so BMJ has become the obvious target. Some would say that Sammy Lee at Bolton is in a far more precarious situation, but then he didn’t spend £40m, nor was anyone in their right mind expecting them to challenge for a Champions League spot. Some might even note that Man U have had a worse start than we have, but even if he lost every game from now until Christmas, Sir Alex the Untouchable is clearly in no danger of being ousted so he’s also off the hook.

So it is left to Tottenham to fill the gossip columns, with their never-know-what-you’re-going-to-get performances, their “entertainers” moniker, the fans insistence on playing the Spurs Way^TM and historically sacking their manager the second he ties his shoelaces the wrong way they are an easy target.

But is it fair? No it is not. Is it reasonable? Not really. Hang on – is it even believable? You know, I’m not sure it is. Is it anything other than a grossly over-inflated case of the media dragging a story out of nothing? Well I have to leave that for you to decide.

Against all the odds, the bookies inside knowledge and basically in opposition to every other story about this that I have read recently, I am going out on a limb to say that Martin Jol is not about to lose his job (I may live to regret that!). Of course I have no concrete evidence to support this other than common sense, but whatever tip off the bookies have had about this, I suspect they have been sold a lemon. Jol has gone from 50/1 to 8/15 on to be sacked after "a massive rush of punters" - but surely that is how bookies operate so the question is, what caused the rush - media hype?

I don’t know about you, but I am not a big believer in coincidence, and so when I hear that certain representatives of Spurs were in Spain – in the same hotel even – as the extremely talented Seville manager, then I have to class that as the smoke that rarely materializes without the fire. But I still think that this proves nothing regarding our immediate future.

I put it to you ladies and gentlemen of the terraces, that Tottenham Hotspur were simply contingency planning, as any good business might. I don’t mean for the end of the month, I honestly doubt even the end of the year, but I do suspect that if Mr. Jol fails to deliver any silverware, and/or a place in the Champions League this season, that the board (and by then quite possibly the fans) will have had quite enough thank you very much, and here’s the P45. Did anyone stop to think that they might have been sounding him out for a job next year?

If you as a board member knew it was coming surely you'd have taken care of business in May, not August. If they weren’t planning it then you cannot seriously tell me that the board has decided to sack Jol based on 2 games, when he is missing 5 or 6 key players – that would be madness. Jol may have his flaws, but to sack him 3 games in (one of which we won 4-0), after 2 comparatively successful seasons where he delivered more than any other manager we have had since the turn of the century, strikes me as incredibly unfair.

Ramos as a manager is a huge talent, with an exceptional record at Seville, as such I think we’d hardly be crying into our beer if the unthinkable does happen and the coup materializes in the next week or two – but I just can’t see it. Harry Redknapp is another name touted, but this doesn't strike me as an improvement. Marcello Lippi is apparently the third name on the hitlist, "A motivator rather than a strategist, Lippi is not bound by a rigid tactical approach." cites Wikipedia- whatever that means.

I want to believe the hype about Ramos being the next greatest manager ever, but has anyone stopped to ask what he acheived before Seville? Has anyone even considered why he might want to leave a club that is doing so well, for a club that will sack him if he loses 2 games in a row? Still, you can only judge a man on his recent acheivements, and if he wants it then fair play to him - if Jol is going then we could do worse (read: Harry Redknapp).

So there you have it, inconclusive perhaps but then there’s only a very small circle of people that can tell us for sure what’s happening, and they’re not talking. Football, in the immortal words, is “a funny old game” and stranger things have happened, but one thing is certain, if we get anything from Old Trafford, and then beat the scum next month all will be forgiven. The fans will be happy, the media will move on, Martin Jol will be safe and everything will be right with the world.

Will he get the chance? I love Martin Jol, and Martin Jol loves me, but in the cold light of day if we wake up next to Ramos one morning will anyone really be too disappointed?

Rampant Spurs 4 - 0 Derby

I'll keep this brief, as today I am basing my opinion on the evidence provided by Match of the Day, but the good news is that the "crisis" is over. Yes you could say that Derby were poor and made life easy for us, but that's a perfect chance to roll out the old cliche: You can only beat the team in front of you. The drubbing we have been waiting for finally appears.

What was more satisfying than the 4-0 rout was that at last Jol did what the fans have been waiting for, Hudd played, Routledge played, we stuck to 2 strikers at a time, even Taarabt got a game. And the result? We could have been 6-0 up by half time.

It's nice to be right isn't it!

Huddlestone looked assured and to my mind bossed the game first half, we have a left back at last which certainly helps the balance, for Pete's sake even Jenas looked like he played well! Sure, Derby at home is a different kettle of fish to Man U away, but let's not underestimate the confidence boost this will have provided.

From the highlights it looked like the Tottenham show - anyone at the game want to confirm it was that easy? MOTD didn't show a single decent attempt on goal from Derby.

Even Mystic Meg would have trouble trying to predict the outcome of a Spurs game these days, but this game could tangibly provide a platform to push on from. A decent performance against Man U next week, a win against Fulham and maybe we'll be ready for The Big One, and to quote a phrase, "I'd love it if we beat them, just love it".

Crisp passing, good vision and shabby opposition have at last put us back in our rightful place - above Arsenal in the table. At least for this morning anyway!

Spurs vs Derby Preview

"Tottenham in Crisis" scream the headlines, which just goes to show how the media absolutely love to kick a team when it is down. It is nothing short of amazing (in a predictable way) how a couple of losses at the start of the season provokes discussion about new managers and dressing room rifts - but then over-reactions sell papers and generate website hits, only the naive will believe there's any substance to the stories.

Allow me to offer up a little perspective if I may; we are 2 games in, we are playing with 4th and 5th choice defenders strung along the back line, we are without the jet-heeled one and we are 2 points behind United (which I realise is irrelevant, but it sounds good doesn't it!). These facts may be glossing over the fundamental tactical and technical deficiencies that cost us against Sunderland and Everton, but I feel a severe case of Spursitus coming on - the unexplainable feeling that we are going to go out and absolutely rout the opposition.

Regular readers will have noticed that I have changed my tune somewhat, my disgust and anger after the Everton game has had a couple of days to die down, and for my sins the optimism is back. I can't explain it other than to say that of the three promoted teams, Derby look by far the weakest. The likelihood of 3 defeats in a row, 2 against newly promoted teams is positively negligable. Even the moaners and the pessimists out there must secretly believe three points are coming our way today, and the bookies agree, making Spurs an outrageous 9/20 on for the win. Anyone traitorous enough to back the opposition will be pleased with 6/1 - but should immediately consider going out to buy an Arsenal shirt with their 30 pieces of silver.

Now we have ruled out defeat (or even a draw for that matter) the only question is whether we dish out the drubbing that we are capable of. Well much of that depends on whether Jol has learned his lessons. He will be unable to field what we take to be his "battling" midfield (Malbranque, Zokora, Jenas, Tainio) as Teenu is out with a viral infection, but if he sticks Jenas on the right and Hudd in the middle with Zokora it will still show a disappointing lack of ambition. This is Derby at home we are talking about here, we have to assume we will dominate possession and as such we need the likes of Routledge or Taarabt on the pitch - players who can beat a man and are not simple "sideways and backwards" merchants.

"Jol, learning his lesson - you must be mad" says you. But desperate times call for desperate measures and I think this time he will take action. I can't see Taarabt starting, but I do believe he will go with Steed, Zokora, Jenas and Routledge. Now I like Jenas, but even I'll admit he has been about as effective as a chocolate teapot so far, so I'd like to see Huddlestone start, but what chance of Jol dropping his golden boy?

With Berbatov out, the front line will most likely be Bent and Keane, one or the other of which I feel are bound to score at some point, but at 7/2 and 4/1 respectively to score first I think that's a bit tight. My tip is to wait until the line-ups are confirmed and then to take a punt on Routledge at a much healthier 16/1. My long shot tip for the day is Zokora to open his account at 22/1 - you know it's crazy but I just have that feeling and it won't go away.

The bookies like 1-0 or 2-0 Spurs as a final score, 6/1 seems a fair price, but it's hardly enough to get excited about, those scores are best saved for a scorecast. To be honest, none of the other final score bets look all that appealing. 3-0 at 9/1 or 3-1 and 11/1 might be a tad ambitious.

So, as I am convinced that even our makeshift defence can handle Derby I am going for...

Scorecast: Spurs win 2-0 Routledge to score first @ 60/1

And, because I have this unshakable feeling...

First Scorer: Zokora @ 22/1

Good luck, and Come On You Spurs!

Same Old Tottenham 1 - 3 Everton

dé·jà vu
n.
1. An impression of having seen or experienced something before.
2. Dull familiarity; monotony: the déjà vu of the tabloid headlines.

I kid you not, this is the actual entry on dictionary.com. I can think of nothing more suitable to describe the dismal start to "the best season in Tottenham's modern history" (yes, that was my quote). It would seem as though lessons have not been learned, corners have been reversed around, and us, the paying public, have been swindled by the club and the media into believing that the glory years are returning.

£40m spent, seven wins in seven games during preseason and the result? A 4th striker when we already had 3 quality internationals, and a false dawn perpetrated by the belief that victories over mediocre African sides, lower division opposition and Serie A's equivalent of Wigan made us Champion's League contenders.

Before I get lambasted for being reactionary, let me point out that I am not a boo-boy, nor a West Stand moaner, nor part of the Jol Out Brigade, nor a Jenas hater. I my friends am an optimist and a believer of hype, it is for this reason that today I awake sickened. It is not that we have been beaten in 2 games that hurts, more that we were led to believe that these sides are of the calibre that should be effortlessly dispatched. "In Jol We Trust" goes the phrase so often touted by the internet pundits - I wonder if that trust is misplaced, because the man seems incapable of learning from his mistakes.

So onto the game, and it's a story of same shit, different day. What was the number one touted cause of Saturdays humiliation at Sunderland? It was a lack of creativity. What is the number one reason that Everton somehow had more shots on target at WHL that Spurs? Well it's frigging obvious to all but a moron.

I do not quibble about conceding 3 goals. Yes it made life difficult, but when you are playing with a central defence combo consisting of your 4th and 5th choice centre-backs, and a left-back who is so far down the pecking order that he is not 4th choice left-back, but 2nd choice right-back then you must expect to ship a few goals. What irks me is that we couldn't dominate from midfield forward and play in a "best form of defence is attack" kind of way.

Have the midfield been taking mind bending drugs? It can be the only reason for their continued insistence on playing long high balls into the opposition box. Every man and his dog must realise that players with the control, skill and quality of Keane, Defoe and Berba prefer the ball on the ground. I lost count of the number of hoofs up field that came back our way within 5 seconds. The same goes for Paul Robinson, who seems to have regressed into his bad old ways of humping it long when there's an easy pass to a full-back available.

He is supposed to be our midfield linchpin, and I do have an unexplainable liking for Jenas, but yesterday he was utter shite. Squandering possession frequently, not offering anything going forward and generally looking way out of his depth. He is rapidly becoming the scapegoat and either needs a string of top performances, or a stint on the bench. I rather suspect the latter would be the best option.

Zokora did what he is paid to, so I can't grumble too much there, but look at how we improved when Routledge came on. We had some width, someone who could take on a player, someone for Jenas to pass sideways to, thus encouraging him to stop hopefully lobbing it into the box. Look at how badly we miss Lennon, but Routledge, or even Taarabt are ready made replacements, we don't have to change the system.

Robbie Keane is not a midfielder. For the second game running Jol's way of "keeping his strikers happy" has been simply to play them all. This cannot work, as BMJ so rightly points out, "You can have all the finishing power, but if you don't have the loading systems it's difficult".

So what are you going to do about it then Mr. Jol?

Spurs vs Everton Preview

After the stewards enquiry regarding Saturday's grand balls up, I just can't see Spurs doing anything other that dishing out a hiding to Liverpool's second side. It would seem the bookies agree as they have made us 17/20 odds on for the win. That's a terrible bet mind you; sure I'm allowed to be confident, but how the neutral sees us as that great a shoe-in is baffling.

The first question to answer, as always, is are we going to concede? Well with Micky Dawson being the subject of a late fitness test it could well transpire that we are to suffer Gardener at the back again. If this is the case then I would almost guarantee that one will slip through, but if Daws makes it and Moyles plays his preferred 4-5-1 away from home then I think a clean sheet is on the way. The Daily Mail seems to be of the opinion that Gardener will get the nod, so I am going to plump for a 3-1 home win. The good news is that even on it's own that's worth 16-1.

Onto the first scorer, and here we are faced with the continuing difficulty of predicting who will start. Berba and Bent are fair at 5-1, and I personally think the latter may get the nod ahead of Keano. If Martin has learned from his mistakes we could even see Taarabt at some stage, but if he starts on the bench he is a shady bet at 16-1.

Those looking for a long shot could do worse that Kaboul at 33-1. This boy loves to get forward, has a thunderous right foot and is a menace at corners. He will score, it's just a matter of when.

There has been talk of Berba being dropped for a Keane/Bent partnership - I just can't see Jol doing that so...

Scorecast:

A more conservative 2-1 Spurs win, Berba to score first @ 40/1

Final Score:

3-1 Spurs @ 16-1

First Scorer:

Kaboul @ 33/1

As usual the stake is one British Pound per bet - good luck!

Sunderland 1 - 0 Spurs

With seven wins out of seven in pre-season, was it too much to expect a result against Premiership newcomers Sunderland on Saturday - the answer would seem to be yes.

OK, so let's start by rolling out a few of the more legitimate cliches, sorry, I mean excuses:

• Tottenham are having a minor injury crisis in defence
• Playing away to a newly promoted team on the opening day of the season is never easy
• Playing a team who stick 10 men behind the ball is never easy
• Sunderland ran away with the Championship so they can't be that shabby
• Roy Keane is a good manager who played the right tactics and motivated his men

Well fine. They are all reasonable excuses, yet Martin Jol seems to be of the opinion that the fault lies squarely at the feet of his multi-million pound strike force.

"I can blame the strikers and I felt they didn't work hard enough or move enough. But on the other hand the midfield should have been more creative and they weren't."

Well I'm sorry Martin, I usually don't like to knock you, but this time you leave me no choice. If we are going to field what is commonly known as our "battling" midfield (Tainio, Zokora, Jenas and Malbranque) then it follows that the strikers are not going to have the service to be effective. The buck stops with you for fielding such an unambitious team.

This midfield combo is more what we expect to see when we need to go to Stamford Bridge and get a draw, it certainly isn't what we are expecting to see away at Sunderland. We played large amounts of the game in their half and the key to unlocking a 10 man defence is creativity and flair, not dogged determination and long spells of possession around the centre circle. Both Chelsea and Arsenal won their games with goals scored as a direct result of intelligent runs from midfielders, not with the hit and hope football which I was sure was a thing of our past.

After such a great preseason it's a huge disappointment, but hold it right there - a quick look down the team sheet and perhaps we can see why. Both Taarabt and Routledge were outstanding during the closed season, scoring at will and creating plenty for our boys up front, yet what was the point in blooding them if when the nitty-gritty starts they don't even make the bench? If they are good enough to play the best teams in Africa, why not Sunderland? Surely Jol could/should have predicted the fact that we were going to dominate possession, so why field so many ball winners?

Mr. Jol may have desperately tried to snatch something by trying various combinations of his strikers - and I applaud him for finally making substitutions on the 60th minute rather than the 80th - but I can't help feeling we went there prepared for a battle and hoping to nick something, rather than going there with the express intention of tearing them to shreds.

Defensively we have injury problems - or do we? There's not much we can do about the left-back situation, and to be fair to him Stalteri did not disgrace himself. Chimbonda was ok, but gave the ball away more than he usually does and is an automatic first choice anyway. Kaboul is a man mountain and a tremendous prospect, I have no quibbles with him starting every match. Robbo got off to a good start so that just leaves...

Gardener! Why do we play Gardener when Rocha is 10 times more reliable? Bambi was at fault for their goal by way of some lacklustre marking and an inability to jump properly and proves to us time and time again that he just cannot cut it at this level. He had already got away with several dodgy moments, but predictably could not concentrate for 93 minutes and 10 seconds. Still, perhaps Dawson will be back for the Everton game.

So there you have it. Off to a shambolic start and one caused by an over cautious approach to what should have been a comfortable opening fixture. Slack passing, the wrong team selection and some panicky last minute defending has left my prediction of 9 points from the first 3 games is in tatters, but it's not the fact that we lost that is hurtful, more the feeling that I have somehow been duped by my beloved into thinking she had changed.

SC Season Predictions

After what has seemed like the longest lack of football mankind has ever had to endure, we are finally on the eve of the new season. It has been a very busy, and really rather satisfying closed season for the Spurs with plenty of rumour and intrigue. Plenty of cash has been splashed and there is no doubt that every single signing has been a good one.

Bent has been laughing at those who scoffed at his £16m price tag by banging in almost a goal a game in pre-season, Kaboul has looked like a natural, and I suspect will also bag a goal or two before long. Taarabt has impressed in South Africa (although he really has got to learn how to pass), Robbie Keane is looking like he's up for the challenge of keeping his place, the Prince scored on his debut and even little Waynetta Routledge is looking dangerous. With seven wins on the trot things are looking very positive indeed.

At long last it looks like we have a squad rather than just a team and there is adequate cover in every position, except the troublesome left wing. We can keep dreaming of BenArfa and Quaresma, but don't hold your breath.

There are of course still a few hangers-on loitering around the training ground. Ghaly and Mido must surely have no future, but Murphy seems happy to play in the reserves and can do a job if called upon - let's not forget that magical assist he provided for a Keano goal recently. I will also begrudgingly admit that Gardener is showing signs of improvement (although I still put him as 5th choice CB if everyone is fit). Does this mean the boo-boys will finally be silenced? I doubt it, they can always find someone to moan about over in the West stand.

So what can we realistically expect? For starters I think we can expect to get off to an absolute flyer. Our first 3 games are Sunderland away followed by home ties with Everton and Derby - I think we can look for 9 points from those. The first big test comes at the end of the month when we are away to Man U. The way they are playing, and the look of their squad suggests that if we come away from Old Trafford with anything other than a pasting we will have done well. The Red Devils are, in my opinion, dead certs to retain the title.

Spurs are widely tipped to "challenge" for a Champions League spot. I'd like to go one further than that and suggest that we should be looking to third as our target. Man U and Chelsea are too strong for anybody to dislodge, but whereas before we put ourselves in a "mini-league" with the like of Bolton, Everton and Blackburn, all vying for 5th, I think the time has come to leave those behind and start putting ourselves on a par with Arsenal and Liverpool. I'm not shortsighted enough to say we will trounce them, but I do believe we are every bit as strong as both of them, and all three teams are in with a shout at third.

I am convinced that this season is going to be one of the best in Tottenham's modern history. The team is growing, players maturing. We have a season of European experience that should see us jump the final hurdle and make it into the UEFA Cup final. We have a team capable of beating anyone on their day, so progression in domestic cups is possible, and we have added yet more firepower to a team that scored over 100 goals last season.

I predict that this season we will:

• Come third in the league - yes, that's right, third.



• Get into at least one domestic semi-final



• Win the Uefa Cup

Even if those predictions are off the mark, one thing is for sure, the corner has been well and truely turned!

World Domination

We all know that Premiership football is today a global commodity, having travelled the world I can lay testament to that. You would be genuinely amazed at some of the backwaters a person can spot a Man United shirt these days, I even saw one in America once!

As such, Premiership teams are now firmly established brands and so canny marketeers tend to use pre-season as an excuse to strengthen their foothold in lucrative foreign markets. Gone are the days when Liverpool would warm up for the season with an away tie to Oldham, now instead it's off to Hong Kong to play South China FC in front of 60,000. Even Fulham and Portsmouth have joined the party that is the Barclay's Asia Trophy, although I really can't see the Chinese rushing out to get "Nugent" printed on the back of their moody replica Portsmouth shirts.

Chelsea and Man Utd have the Asian market pretty much sewn up. I can tell you from personal experience that there's nothing more grating that a Thai/Cambodian/Malaysian shouting "Ahhh, Manchester, Arsenal, Chelsea" at you upon discovering you're English.

"Tottenham."
"Huh? Lotland?"
"No, Tott-en-ham-Hot-spur."
"Hahaha, yes, Riverpoo yes!!!"
"NO. TOTT-EN-HAM"

Trust me, this can happen anything up to 5 times a day.

The Big Two have obviously identified the USA as an emerging market. It's a bit of a gamble, as Beckham fever is not going to last forever, but if the yanks do get switched on then they are definitely a nation that will want to back winners. Arsenal have opted to strengthen their brand in Europe (or perhaps can't afford the plane fares) and are in the prestigeous Amsterdam Tournament along with Inter Milan, PSG, Lazio and Ajax - surely a better preparation in footballing terms.

So my question is this: Why have Spurs gone for South Africa? There's no doubt that the Africans love their footy, but is the African Pound really a good pound to go for? Clearly the Chiefs and the Pirates are the top 2 club sides in Africa, but is there a better opportunity elsewhere? Compound this with the fact that we did much the same tour a few years back and you have to wonder what the board are seeing that we are not.

If, as Jose Mourinho believes, we are now including ourselves in the Big Five, then I believe that the focus should be on gaining more exposure on the bigger markets. The Asian economy is booming, none more so than in China. With over a billion potential new customers, and a country that is really embracing football, I would have plugged a tour on the Chinese mainland.

Failing that, Japan would have been a good destination. Cash rich Japanese adore soccer, and with Steve Perryman and Gary Lineker having plied their trade over there then I'm sure it wouldn't take much to recruit them into the yid army. Or perhaps joining Chelsea and Man Utd in the states would have been a better way to announce that we have arrived. Get the yanks talking about the three of us at the same time and we automatically get tarred with the same publicity brush.

Instead we get 3 games on dubious surfaces against the Kaiser Cheifs, the Orlando Pirates and, well erm... the Kaiser Chiefs or the Orlando Pirates again. It hardly generates the prestige or the excitement of the Peace Cup a few years back. But South Africa it is, and we shall never know what we missed out on. Still, on the brighter side, at least the Africans won't have any trouble pronouncing our name.