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I sometimes wonder why some people even bother to follow football. For these eternal pessimists to have settled on Spurs as their team baffles me even more - are they glutton for punishment, or is it chicken and egg?
We're still a week away from the big kick off and already I've read all sorts of online tripe:
- Crouch is shit
- Bassong is shit
- Levy is a muppet
- The squad is shit
- When are we selling Jenas
- Too many right backs
- No left winger
- Keane is a git
- Shouldn't have sold Bent
- The kit makes me puke
Culminating in some miserable bastard writing
this uplifting piece for TopSpurs - a site that I'm not sure has ever run a positive Spurs story.
I have a mate I play golf with who is forever duffing the ball 3 yards or slicing it into the trees. It makes him so angry that by the 12th hole he's throwing his clubs around, banging them into the ground, effing and blinding and generally getting the right hump. But there he is, week in week out on the 1st and ready to go.
My question to him is "Why bother?". My question to the habitually moaning Spurs fan is the same. Of course everyone is entitled to the occasional gripe, the odd player who they don't rate, the bemoaning of a lack of effort. I'm as guilty as the next man. But come on people, you've got to see the glass as half full sometimes! I think we've had a good summer, we've won some pointless Asian Trinket and signed some pretty bloody decent players. No, none of them are the next Kaka, but they're pretty bloody decent all the same.
Anyway, I don't support Spurs because I expect them to win the league, bring home silverware every year, play in the Champions League or even win on a regular basis. In fact, now I've written that I'm not sure why I do support them, but goddammit I love this club!
For me we are positioned perfectly to take the pain with the pleasure. Big enough to attract players you've heard of, but not quite attractive enough for world superstars. Talented enough to play Chelsea off the park one day, but slack enough to lose to Burnley the next. It's a rollercoaster ride that fuels optimism, and whether you realise it or not, optimism is what keeps us coming back for more.
I saw something on the box a while ago that suggested if you were in the business of kidnapping and torturing people, the single most effective way of controlling them is to give them hope. Apparently in such situations the victim will do just about whatever you want just so long as you can maintain the fiction that their ordeal will soon be over.
I know how they feel.
Tottenham have been feeding us hope for as long as I can remember. Over time I, like many of you, have come to terms with this. Hold the front page: Tottenham aren't going to win the league. So what? If that bothered me I'd go support someone who will - and what a disgusting little sheep that would make me.
No comrades, the glory we crave comes these days only with some very dubious, oily strings attached, and the puppet master needs to be able to measure his worth by the billion, nothing less. A fact that Man City and Newcastle between them will undoubtedly prove to us all.
This begs the question, what tangible targets would I like to see us achieve this year? I guess that comes down to what, come next May, is going to have given me that warm "I love the Tottenham" feeling. Some ideas:
- Beating the Woolwich Wanderers - ideally at theirs
- Battering someone 5-0 - even if it is Birmingham
- Mugging any of the Big 4 with a last minute winner
- Finishing above the Spammers - because it annoys them
- Seeing one of the kids 'make it'
League-wise, finishing in the
top 10 is the bare minimum, top 8 acceptable if disappointing, top 6 good, top 4 would be great and a trip to Wembley would be a Brucey Bonus... but now I've slipped back into torturer mode.
Pass me the waterboard.